You Can Call Me Al

A man walks down the street
He says, "Why am I soft in the middle now?
Why am I soft in the middle?
The rest of my life is so hard
I need a photo-opportunity
I want a shot at redemption
Don't want to end up a cartoon
In a cartoon graveyard"

Bone digger, bone digger
Dogs in the moonlight
Far away in my well-lit door
Mr. Beer Belly, Beer Belly
Get these mutts away from me, you know
I don't find this stuff amusing anymore

If you'd be my bodyguard
I can be your long-lost pal
I can call you Betty and Betty, when you call me
You can call me Al

A man walks down the street
He says, "Why am I short of attention?
Got a short little span of attention
And, whoa, my nights are so long
Where's my wife and family?
What if I die here?
Who'll be my role model
Now that my role model

Is gone, gone?"
He ducked back down the alley
With some roly-poly little bat-faced girl
All along, along
There were incidents and accidents
There were hints and allegations

If you'd be my bodyguard
I can be your long-lost pal
I can call you Betty, and Betty, when you call me
You can call me Al, call me Al

A man walks down the street
It's a street in a strange world
Maybe it's the Third World
Maybe it's his first time around
Doesn't speak the language
He holds no currency
He is a foreign man
He is surrounded by the

Sound, the sound
Cattle in the marketplace
Scatterlings and orphanages
He looks around, around
He sees angels in the architecture
Spinning in infinity
He says, "Amen," and "Hallelujah"

If you'd be my bodyguard
I can be your long-lost pal
I can call you Betty, and Betty, when you call me
You can call me Al, call me

Na, na, na-na, na, na, na-na
Na, na, na-na, na, na, na-na, na-na
Na, na, na-na, na-na, na-na, na, na
Na, na, na-na, na, na, na-na

If you'll be my bodyguard (ooh)
I can call you Betty (ooh)
If you'll be my bodyguard (ooh)
I can call you Betty (ooh)

If you'd be my bodyguard